patrixa03

Wag ka naman ganyan. ang hirap lang e.

Baby (I know you wouldn't want me calling you that anymore), stop it. We've been through this before. Even though I am already walking away and leaving you with her, you can't just call me the moment you get hurt (or even show me the slightest bit of hurt in your eyes). you have no freakin' right to do that.

because we both know i'll come back to you, and fix everything just to make sure you're alright. even if it puts me in the dumbest position in the world. because i still love you that much. even if it killsme.

patrixa03

...I got a little paranoid in the past couple of days.

Or maybe (as my friend would say) my hormones are on steroids thus the stupid mood swings like a rollercoaster ride.

So I finally decided to end it and went to the doctor. And when the image was shown, I was almost in tears. I couldn't help but smile. I was almost speechless.

And then the doctor said "Sa right ka nangitlog."

Eh manok pala ako e. Hahahaha!

patrixa03

It's probably one of the worst reasons why someone would want to break up with you. Ewan ko ba, tagos lang talaga sakin.

Fuck it.

I think it's never a reason to leave someone just because you think you don't deserve them.

Yes, I am a princess, and you, you're probably just a beggar. But that didn't matter because I know very much that I loved you for you. And that you didn't care if I was a princess.

Until you looked back at the other girl, not a princess, and started to question why you have me.

I love you, pauper. Always will.

But I guess some princesses never get everything in the world.

patrixa03

I cried just now. I'm still crying at the moment.

It's been awhile since I did. And considering what I've been through (or still going through with it), it is amazing that I've managed to function well for quite some time now. Most people don't even notice how crappy I feel right now. Maybe I'm just so used to it that I've accustomed myself to feeling crappy all the time that there seem to be no difference when I feel better.

Then today I accidentally cut myself. And that's when I felt pain. Not that I can't handle a little cut but for some reason, pain felt comforting. I gladly welcomed in pain. I thought I had gone numb, but here it is, a cut, a bright red line of blood, and I savored the pain I felt.

You see, pain is there for a reason.

And now I'm crying.

When this is over, and I know it will be over, I hope the healing starts soon.

patrixa03

Ang sarap lang balikan ng lahat ng ginawa nating dalawa noon.

Sabi nila nagaaksaya daw ako ng oras para lang mag-reminisce at lokohin ang sarili ko na may pag-asa pa yung nakaraan kahit wala na. Stuck daw ako. 

Hindi nila naiintindihan, pero yung pagalala kong yun, nag-iwan ng malaking ngiti sa labi ko.

At alam ko mahihirapan nanaman ako kalimutan ka. Pero okay lang. Kasi alam ko yung kaligayahan ko noon, utang na loob ko sayo. Dahil minsan lang ako maging ganoon kasaya. Kaya natatakot ako.

Hindi dahil baka hindi na ako makahanap ng katulad mo, ngunit baka isang araw, hindi na ako maging masaya tulad noon.

Pero alam ko kakayanin ko.

Maging masaya ka lang.

patrixa03

 I guess my sama ng loob will always remain that way since whenever I try to voice them out, they just eat me alive and start questioning myself why I have this huge set of emotions even if we both know I'm right/

Eff.

Rambling. Because I will never be able to tell you how much I am hurting with what you're doing. And don't tell me this is called playing favorites.

~~~

"I don't want to date somebody's ex."

"We all are somebody's ex."

"Well, I don't want to date a friend's ex."

It's the classic story of boy meets girl. Boy and girl falls in love. Only that they fall out of love and boy moves on to the girl's friend.

Which sucks. Really. Considering the girl and friend are really close.

Besides the attention, time and most specially gifts, there's nothing good coming of this complicated love story.

Ayoko na. Uwi na lang ako.

Bahala kayo.